Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
