I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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