I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
