I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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