So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
