Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
