6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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