Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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