i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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