I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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