Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
