one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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