Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
