Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.

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  (586): theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/psvc
  Replies (12) Good night (1121) Bad night (7479)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i cant lie to you.

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  (336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro
  Replies (56) Good night (933) Bad night (3094)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (17387) Bad night (1408)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

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  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (7355) Bad night (1865)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (7168) Bad night (1012)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10845) Bad night (1444)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (8089) Bad night (1734)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

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  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5753) Bad night (1296)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel

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  (417): Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel http://tfl.nu/ki9k
  Replies (11) Good night (2440) Bad night (1164)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

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  (206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo
  Replies (7) Good night (2936) Bad night (1442)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

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  (614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7
  Replies (3) Good night (2481) Bad night (751)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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  (+61): Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here? http://tfl.nu/9sbn
  Replies (2) Good night (1193) Bad night (500)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4396) Bad night (734)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
  Replies (8) Good night (1027) Bad night (511)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking

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  (513): He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something (513): Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking http://tfl.nu/a3rg
  Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (734)

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