4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
