If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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