bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
