Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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