i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
