Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize