Me. At least after what I've been through.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
