So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
