This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
