we're blogging at a bar
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
