She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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