I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
