I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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