Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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