I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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