i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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