jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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