I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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