What a fucking waste of an outfit
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
