I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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