I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
