i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
