Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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