OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
