it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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