How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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