just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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