I look better un-naked...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
