Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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