new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
