one two three fourrrrnication!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
