He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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