There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
