I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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