Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
