YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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