Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
