What a fucking waste of an outfit
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
