We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
