I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
