i need an iv and a liver transplant
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
