for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My bed smells like the plague
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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