She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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