I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
