i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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