And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
