Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
