wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
