When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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