i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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