I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
