Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
