Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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